Get Bent!

WARNING DARK SPOT POST:

I have said this a thousand times! Chicks are fucking evil. Women, girls, females, whatever you want to call them! The one woman in my life I have the most respect for is, and always will be my grandmother. I have found her out of all the women who have ever entered my life to be the least pain in the ass. (Both grandmas I should say) I talk a lot about the concept of being a "plan B." So, apparently everyone (but Josa) has one of these. Then along comes the awkward situation where you find yourself in none other than the plan B spot! AGAIN! Whew i thought i would never end up back in this spot. not that a part of me doesn't realize this is where I am standing, but a part of me wishes and hopes i am not! Schucks folks, I guess I resume my reluctant hesitant lifestyle where I just focus on me, Zoey, and the mountain of projects that lay before me. Staying busy gives me an easy out, an excuse, and most of all a safe place to just be. In this safe place i get to just be me, and do the wacky things i do without worrying about one single thing. I remember exactly what it feels like to get your heart broken, and the moment i start to feel even an ounce of that pain again, I'm out! Fucking peace, I cant and WONT do this again. I'm not saying that it will NEVER happen again, but for the time being, there isn't a chick in the world who could bring me down! At this point in my life, i just cant imagine being broken and weepy. Not because that's "weak" or anything of the sort, but because I don't have time for it! I don't have time to mope around or worry about my "feelings" or someone Else's!

So this is more of a vent post than anything else. I have found some relief in writing it all out and watching it play out letter by letter. I wonder why i don't do this more often. I used to have an email pal back in the day that i would tell my darkest secrets to (Hi if you're reading), but time changes things, people get older and busy, and i am not exempt from that. Sure does feel nice to just write it out and let it be. Even if i delete this post before publishing it, its gone. Emotions for me are like big rocks i keep in my pocket. They weigh me down and make me move slower. I GOTS to keep going, keep moving, keep fighting, keep doing what I do to survive. I need sleep, water, redbull, and Z. Those are my essentials! So now that i have gotten this out, I suppose i should apologize for the negative vibes I've been spewing out all over Pueblo today! I hate being that person! I am allowed though to have those moments. I am thankful i have super fucking awesome friends who just deal with me, let me vent, and tell me I'm not being irrational or grumpy! So thanks to you if you re reading this for helping me get some of those big rocks out of my pocket today! Tomorrow is a brand new day, and i think if i get to sleep at a decent hour......ill be freaking ready! So goodnight to you readers, or would be readers if i ever actually told anyone this existed! Sometimes its best to be anonymous! But that's just not me! so goodnight moon, goodnight you......